


Faceless

by Kexing



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Arranged Marriage, M/M, Sharing power, Well arranged marriage in a way, horrible exorcists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:10:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4574658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kexing/pseuds/Kexing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He leans back smiling a little sadly.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i> “We both know I am the one person with enough power to have to be involved and if I don’t “break” Natsume Takashi, who do you suggest I break?”</i></p><p>  <i>Natori’s eyes are gold with challenge, as serious as if he is in a life or death fight.</i></p><p>  <i>“Oh, that isn’t an issue,” he says, and his voice is like honey. “I’ll preform the ceremony with you. You have been rather unsuccessful at breaking me after all.”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meguri_aite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meguri_aite/gifts).



There is raw crackling power in the air and Seiji can feel it flickering over his skin like water. The youkai is getting to be a problem.

“It is worrying,” his advisors tell him. “It is growing in a way that we have never seen before. And it is stealing power. You might want to look into… alternative options.” Seiji can feel the theft too, the unrelenting drag trying to drain him, like needles stinging against his skin. It is a concern.

It started out slow at first. The air suddenly started to become heavy, weaker youkai started to leave the forest in panic. Then the pricking started. Seiji has a couple of times come a bit too close to Onibi, little ghost lights who tries to suck out your soul if you are near them. And that was the feeling he started to get, milder, but relentless, a constant hum against his skin. At first he simply went out to gather information. He took some shiki servants and set out towards the point of origin. They couldn’t even come close. Seiji could feel himself draining. The pinpricks turning into a trickling stream of power being slithered away quicker and quicker, and he realized that usual methods would be useless here. They have sent out shiki servants to gather information but the other youkai are unhelpful.

“He has no face,” they apparently keep saying, “so he takes yours. And now he is awakening.”

Whatever the youkai is, it is growing too powerful which makes stopping it an utmost priority, but the closer you get to it, the less power you have. Even when it is this far away there is this constant low level feed of power leaving him and it is building an unease inside him which is hard to fight. The worst thing you can be in life is powerless.

But no Matoba could be clan head if they were afraid of monsters and Seiji is first and foremost a pragmatist. The youkai needs to be stopped, not only for the sake if the immediate danger it presents, but because there is another threat looming, a threat that will always be present for the head of the Matoba clan, and Seiji knows that a power loss like this can be lethal. He will need some sort of power consolidation, a way to hold enough force to exorcise the youkai, because right now he is not strong enough on his own. And for an exorcist there is of course a way to do that. It is unquestionably not in any way ideal, but Seiji has long ago learned that nothing is. To be an exorcist is an endless road of pragmatism and unfortunate decisions. In a way he appreciates the simplicity of it. He discusses it with his clan members for a very long time.

“But is it safe enough?” they ask him. “Remember, the vulnerability goes both ways.” The simple truth, however, is that the situation is desperate enough to make it inevitable and Seiji knows he will be the one with the advantage. If he can use the situation to gain more power and insight than killing the youkai requires, then he is satisfied. Natsume Takashi is a sad and kind boy. Seiji knows enough of people who see spirits to know that the kindness will fade but the sadness never will. Right now, however, he is a boy who protects his friends but who is too naïve to really protect himself. And he has power that could be infinitely useful to the Matoba clan. Seiji can pity him for that, but it will not change that he will try to take advantage of it.

What Seiji is not expecting, though maybe he should have, is for Natori Shuuichi to show up on his doorstep.

Seiji hasn’t actually talked to Natori for longer than a few sentences in years. Their paths cross sometime and there might be an exchange about some youkai, but almost all their communication is made by proxy. For Natori to actually show up here means that Seiji has gotten him genuinely upset. And he wasn’t even trying. It is a shock to see him in this environment again. Not as the beautiful prickly boy but as a cynical man. But the beautiful still holds true. It always has after all.

It is hardly a mystery what this is about and Seiji can feel the aura of menace under the polished sparkly surface. It is not really worth beating around the bush about it.

“I commend you on your quick working spy network.”

Natori shows his teeth in something that is supposed to resemble a polite smile. They are always infinitely polite around each other at least on the surface, though Seiji has always been better at keeping face. He takes pride in it. Now he carefully watches Natori’s face, looking for tells of what he is thinking. And taking some pleasure in it, because it a very rare opportunity to actually look at Natori unhindered.

“Well,” Natori says. “I heard that you were about to go marry a teenage boy and I had to come and give my congratulations. Obviously.”

Seiji very masterfully hides a wince and also smiles politely, though he is infinitely more successful at it.

“That is a very overdramatic way of putting it,” he says mildly. “It is a power merging ceremony, not a wedding. And not one I have even brought up with him yet. But you know as well as I what youkai is lurking in the woods and you feel what it is doing. Do you honestly think you could come within 100 feet of it without any sort of reinforcement to your spiritual power?”

“So the mightily Matoba clan runs to a child?”

Seiji shrugs. There isn’t much room in his life for decency and mercy in the fight against youkai and he has no interest pretending there is.

“I need someone with enough spiritual power to be of use. And it is hardly one sided. His so called friends are in danger too and all his favorite peaceful youkai are dying. It is a mutual solution to a mutual problem.”

He can see Natori’s jaw tighten.

“I’m not going to let you break him.”

Seiji has to smile at that.

“You think I am a threat to his virtue?”

Natori laughs quietly and when he speaks he makes no attempt to hide the bitterness.

“Oh, no. I’m not worried about his virtue. I am worried about your access to his spiritual power. You are right, I do know you. As in all areas of life you always take far more than you ever give.”

One time a long time ago, when Natori was Shuuichi, he and Seiji spent so much time together. Looking back Seiji realizes that he was indulging himself in things that only a child would indulge in, before he quite grasped what it meant to be the head of the Matoba clan. He had been so sure he was being pragmatic. It was true that long ago he went to that road to “find something he could use”, so sure he had the upper hand in the situation, and that friendliness would cost him nothing. It of course ended in ruins.

What is left is an icy civility and a pin prick of insults that has been going on for years. It sometimes amazes Seiji that those insult still can pierce him, and he can never quite understand how bits of the boy he once was still can be present, like a ghost that he cannot exorcise. On the other hand there is a certain comfort in the familiarity of it. Natori is terribly predictable after all.

“Hard words from the head of the Natori clan,” he responds calmly, accepting Natori’s bitterness without even a raised eye-brow. “But then I hope you have another solution to the problem? The Matoba clan is the only one with the secrets of the ceremony, and the youkai is growing stronger.”

He leans back smiling a little sadly.

“We both know I am the one person with enough power to have to be involved and if I don’t “break” Natsume Takashi, who do you suggest I break?”

Natori’s eyes are gold with challenge, as serious as if he is in a life or death fight.

“Oh, that isn’t an issue,” he says, and his voice is like honey. “I’ll preform the ceremony with you. You have been rather unsuccessful at breaking me after all.”

Seiji freezes. For a moment he feels like he is lacking air and his head goes blank a then it starts up again and he is filled with a combination of dread and anger.

“You do realize,” he says very coldly, “that that is very different. Natsume is just a boy without consequence. We could simply preform the ceremony and have it over with. You on the other hand is the head of the rivaling clan,” he wants to press his nails down in the pants of his legs, but forces himself not to. “We couldn’t just preform a power merging ceremony without any repercussions. It wouldn’t be enough to just sign a contract. Considering the relations between our clans right now _we_ would have to get married.”

Natori’s smile is ice but his eyes doesn’t change.

“Well, then I guess I need to get a better kimono.”


	2. Chapter 2

Natori leaves after that and the house is in an uproar when Seiji brings the suggestion. Giving out clan secrets to another clan. Preforming this kind of ceremony with a head of a clan with whom the relations are strained at best. It’s unheard of. But ultimately it is Seiji’s decision and he is very aware that he doesn’t have much choice. Natori will undoubtedly go to Natsume and discourage him to agree to any contract. While Seiji think he might be able to talk Natsume around, he simply does not have the time for that kind of time consuming persuasion. Natori is quite persuasive too and he is well aware about the time constraint.

Which means the situation is desperate enough for him to accept this unacceptable solution. Seiji can be without mercy for a lot of people, and one of those people is himself. His feelings are of very little concern here.

There is what can only be described as a massive kerfuffle for a couple of hours, when advisors and clan members mill around trying to turn this into a more palatable situation. The Matoba clan is a clan that rarely share its secrets. But they calm down. They are after all a clan of hunters, they are used to deal with uncomfortable situations and solving them.

“We can make it temporary,” his advisors tell him. We can change the spell and write out the documents. If would of course be something close to a marriage purely by ancient standards, but we could even stipulate a decree for separation in advance.”

They worry around him, drawing up paper after paper. Ancient spells which can bind and dissolve anything.

“The most important thing,” he tells them, “is to protect the clan. How much can we keep from him? When we absolve the bonds, what will be left?”

“Not a thing,” he is assured, “he may have his own spells and his own contracts, of course, but no Natori is powerful enough to break something we put together. That family has long forgotten its rituals.”

The idea that he will have Natori here as a temporary bride of sorts is almost amusing in its irony. If there is something Seiji is certain about it is that Natori will make this as unpleasant as possible. He is cold in his anger and have been for years and this is a spell which requires proximity. They need to be in the same area for it to allow them to feed into each other. Bringing Natori here has the potential to be remarkably unpleasant. Through Seiji must admit that in a way it is not. It is not entirely undesirable to see Natori’s face every morning. Even if that face is connected with an endless amount of problems.

 

Natori returns the next day seemingly nonchalant but Seiji can feel the tension and knows he is spoiling for a fight.

“I talked to Natsume,” is the first thing Natori says. “He is very aware of the situation and understanding what you could do with his power if you should gain access to it.”

“Really,” Seiji says mildly, “I am sure you said something remarkably terrible. You seem to be under the impression that I see power as something addicting which I gain personal pleasure from. But it is just a tool. You know what I wish to achieve right now. Not even you can find that morally opposable.”

Natori shrugs.

“I think your use of power goes against everything I think it should achieve. But there is no point to have that argument again. You’re right. For once our goals coincides. And I doubt you are that interested in retaining my power. You are the one who always told me I needed to get stronger after all.”

Seiji leans back against the table watching Natori. Despite the breezy way he is talking the tension Natori is oozing is almost rivaling the youkai. But that is his way now. He talks carelessly about things that are deeply important.

“Well then,” Seiji replies, “this binding is hardly ideal but few things in life is. We don’t have time to squabble about it, so this will have to do. I would actually like to get all the contracts done today so we can perform the ceremony as soon as possible. This youkai is very… draining.”

He can see Natori’s eyes widened slightly at that. He clearly did expect a lot of backtracking. But he seems to regain his footing pretty quickly.

“How romantic,” he says drolly. “Am I to assume that there are an infinite number of promises which are binding me to silence, secrecy and void of any rights forever and ever and ever?”

Seiji shrugs.

“It is mostly to ascertain that this does not stay a permanent thing. That is hardly something that you disagree with, I assume?”

Natori’s smile is brittle.

“I am certain you took utmost care of my feelings and wants in this process. So this will all be voided when we are done?”

“Certainly,” Seiji says pleasantly, “well if we don’t sleep together, that tend to make the whole bonding more permanent, unfortunately”

It is perhaps a slightly petty thing to say, and Natori does not rise to the bait, the corner of his mouth merely quirks.

“Well, how lucky you warned me so I can hold myself back.”

 

Natori does end up signing the papers, after reading them very thoroughly, and submits to the various oaths with no objections. There really is not anything in them that he could object to. Most of it is included as a protection of the Matoba clan. Seiji does not pretend that Natori could be used the same way that Natsume could probably be used. Both because Natori is less powerful and because he is less naïve. Seiji knows, however, that there is also the worrying part of himself which violently objects to using Natori for anything. He mostly disregards that part of his own psyche. He must believe that if it was necessary he would use Natori exactly as he would use everything else. It is just not a choice he has been forced to make in a long time.

When all the papers and ritualistic contracts are over and done with Natori gets up and stretches.

“The Matoba’s certainly take their secrets very seriously,” he states without inflection. “Though I guess all this signing means that I am technically part of the Matoba clan at the moment.”

He stares down and the documents for a moment and then continues with some sarcasm,

“I suppose I should be grateful I’m not required to produce an heir. I need to go home and get some of my things. If I know anything about bonding ceremonies I am guessing I will be holed up here for the duration?”

Seiji shrugs.

“Proximity is unfortunately necessity. You can come back tomorrow. We still need to make all necessary preparations.”

“And it is best for everyone if I am not there for that. Right.”

Natori does not turn as he leaves, but he says, very casually over his shoulder,

“I am so glad I could be useful for you this time. I do remember a time when you found any power I could supply utterly inadequate.

As the door slam Seiji stays in his chair and wonders who the biggest fool of them is. A comment like that is like a haunting of sorts, awakening memories that he mostly tries not to remember.

 

Another familiar ghost comes that night, the youkai in search of it indebted eye. It is wearing Natori’s face, but that is no big surprise, it often does.

 

Natori returns the next day with surprisingly little of his belongings. There is an argument about the shiki servants. Natori insists on bringing his which is unsurprisingly very unpopular in the Matoba household. Nanase has a thorough list of objections which she argues very calmly: They are unknown entities, shiki servants or not they are probably not properly under Natori’s control. If they are under Natori’s control there is still the possibility that he will order them to roam around and go into places they definitely should not be. It is a house full of important things after all.

“Oh, I promise you that they will not leave my side, Nanase-san”, Natori’s voice is hard, “Isn’t I'm the one that is under the biggest threat in your house? Surely you have appropriate seals in place to prevent ayakashi from roaming.”

Nanase looks to Seiji, waiting for his judgment, and for once he actually agrees with Natori.

“I have no objection to them being here as long as you keep them with you. But Natori, do keep them with you. Rouge youkai, shiki servants or not, does not fare well here.”

Natori’s shoulders are tense, but his voice is very calm.

“I will certainly remember that.”


	3. Chapter 3

They perform the ceremony that afternoon. Nanase comes and informs them that all preparations are complete. While the preparations are long and arduous the ceremony in itself is not complicated. It simply contains standing in the prepared area, joining hands, the sharing of words and sharing of drink three times. It takes less than fifteen minutes.

As Seiji pronounces the last words power suddenly fills him. It isn’t until now he realized how much the youkai has drained him. It is like breathing after being under water and like putting down a massive weight he didn’t even know he was carrying. He can feel the power spark between their grasped hand and he can feel Natori take a deep breath and let it out again. Then he feels a tickle on his hand and when he looks down the shadowy form of Natori’s lizard has moved half way onto his hand. It stays there for a few seconds, like it is hesitating, and then it scampers back over Natori’s arm. They both stare at it for a few seconds and then Natori pulls his hands away and rubs them.

“Well,” he says, “that was an interesting detail. Is it all done?”

The overseeing priest nods.

“It will take some time for it to grow to its maximum strength, but it will do that on its own. Try to stay reasonably close.”

Seiji would almost laugh at the terribleness of the whole situation, but to be honest it isn’t very funny. He does however for a moment do something entire out of character and indulge in reaching out and putting a hand on Natori’s back to guide his way. He feels warmth through the fabric and a spark of power as the feed enhances for a second. Natori twitches and pulls away.

“So, I brought something to read. Being in the same room should be sufficient, shouldn’t it? How long until we actually can take care of this?”

Seiji shrugs.

“It’s hard to say. I would suggest that we try to go out as early as tonight and put up some wards. We should be able to do that now and that will at least stop it from leaching power from a distance. When the mark is black it will be at its full potential, but how long that takes is almost impossible to say.”

He opens the door and shows Natori through it, but this time he keeps his hand away.

“We are working on finding some information. We are still not completely sure what the youkai is or how to beat it. Running in blind is generally a terrible idea, don’t you think?”

Natori smiles, but there is no joy in it.

“If you already criticize my style of exorcism this will be a very complicated cooperation.”

Seiji almost smiles back.

“You believed it was going to be easy?”

“Well, once we got along so well, didn’t we?” Natori replies and his voice is very tired.

Seiji does not respond.

 

He brings Natori to the sitting room to let the bond accumulate some more before they fix the wards. The difference is already startling though, Seiji can already feel the power feeding and cycling between them preventing the constant drain he has been subjected to the last few weeks. As Natori gracefully sits down on one of the pillows on the other side of the room, studiously ignoring him and pulling a scroll out Seiji takes the rare opportunity to study him.

It is clear that he is not the only one who is feeling invigorated by the power feed. Natori’ face has gotten a pinker tone and there is something more awake about him. He is, however, still clearly stiff and uncomfortable. As Seiji is watching the lizard scrambles up over Natori’s face and stops like it just freezes. Seiji, for once, allows himself to study the lines of that face and realizes again how much he missed it. The lines of the cheekbones, the color of those eyes the arch of the mouth, Seiji has known them by heart forever, but it was so long since he actually allowed himself to properly look.  Natori twitches and without even lifting his eyes from the scroll he asks,

“I’m sorry, is there something on my face? You’re staring.”

“Yes,” Seiji says calmly, “there seems to be a lizard.”

For a moment Natori almost grins. The corner of his mouths turns upwards before he apparently remembers all the reason why he shouldn't.

“That can hardly attract all that attention.”

“Perhaps I just like you face,” Seiji says very lightly and then he almost winces because without thinking about it he has just made a throwback to their past and memories are opening up like cracks in the ground. This time Natori’s face does snap up and he eyes flashes in anger for a second before he contains himself.

“That is true; you always used to say didn’t you. When I would ask when you were following me around.”

His hands are twisting the scroll without really paying attention to it.

“Though truthfully you did tell me what you actually wanted long before that, I just didn’t understand it. I was not that clever when I was younger.”

He pauses for a second and the air feels almost frozen. Seiji knows that they are remembering the exact same thing at the moment.

Natori’s voice is very cold when he continues,

“How was it you put it? ‘I was looking for something I could use’. When it didn’t prove useful anymore you let it be. I would appreciate if we could keep it that way”

There are a million things Seiji could answer to that but he doesn’t. There is nothing good to find in their past.

 

As night falls they go out to place the wards. Just stepping outside tells Seiji that at least the bonding has had excellent results. He can still feel the youkai's effect, and the world almost feels stuffed with cotton, but he can move around without losing his breath. It becomes more difficult as they move deeper into the forest areas and Seiji can almost feel the bond working rejecting the drain, but they do get to where they need to go without much trouble. The youkai is still far way after all.

They work in silence. It takes a while but they do manga to ward off a perfect circle around the property. When they are done the world feels breathable again.

“And the rest of the forest?” Natori asks.

“There are no humans there,” Seiji says. “It is hardly our concern. Or have you been spending too much time with Natsume Takashi and will be enraged by me saying so?"

Natori just shakes his head.

“No,” he says. “Not about that. I have enough things to be enraged about. But I agree that humans are our domain.”

 

I suppose you don’t know what exactly it is we are dealing with?” Natori says as they enter the house again. "I have never seen a youkai with a power like this, and it seems to be escalating.”

There is a clipped and business like tone to his voice, like he is straining to be civil.

“No,” Seiji says, with some chagrin. “I would think we would have at least run in to something similar, but this seems to be something entirely unknown. We have been looking for some idea in the archives, but there is a lot of ground to cover. I was hoping that you might now. Your family does have a long history of exorcism too.”

Natori shakes his head.

“All out knowledge was destroyed. The ability to see youkai has not been a welcome trait in my family for a long time. And everything relating to it was considered a bad omen. I am the only one...”

He trails of and then suddenly shakes his head.

“I will send Hiiragi out to see if any of the forest youkai knows anything. Sometimes they are useful.”

“We already did that with our own shiki servants.”

Natori smiles grimly.

“I think you will find that a lot of youkai know which servants are yours and avoid them. One of the side effects of any Matoba’s lack of mercy I would think.”

Seiji concedes that gracefully, because it is undoubtedly true. Personally he would be hesitant to believe any information that comes from a youkai, but right now their pool of options are limited.

Natori sighs.

“I need to sleep. I assume I am stuck in your room tonight?”

“It would probably be for the best. It would allow the bond to grow stronger. There is already a bed made up for you.”

“Delightful.”

It feels invasive to have anyone in his room, and especially so for Natori. All the same Seiji is almost startled about how well Natori just seems to fit. Like there has always been meant to be memories of him sitting cross legged on a futon here with his hair in his eyes and this moment is righting a wrong. But just that thought goes into dangerous territory and Seiji closes it off.  He stays up for a while, reading while Natori goes to sleep almost immediately. The beds are carefully placed on the opposite sides of the room but Seiji can still hear Natori’s quiet breathing and when he finally put his light out he spends what feels like hours listening to it in the dark.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Seiji wakes the next morning by an unknown youkai entering the room. He is up and has his bow aimed at it in a fraction of a moment, but Natori's "wait!" stops him and he just barely manages to avoid letting go of the string when he realizes that is Natori's shiki.

He takes a deep breath and lowers the bow.

"That," he says coldly, was remarkably careless."

Natori's face tells him that he understands that too. He is messy from sleep and his hand is hovering somewhere around Seiji like he isn't quite sure he will have to stop an arrow from going off anyway. The shiki seems unperturbed in the corner.

"I'm not going to shot her. I assume she has found something out."

He pointedly doesn't look at Natori's naked upper body.

Natori nods. For a moment his eyes seems to be lingering at something and then he shakes his head and lower his hand, still tense, and goes over to her. She speaks to Natori quietly. Seiji can see that it will be unpleasant news by the look on his faces.

“Well?”

Natori grimaces.

“The most of the ones who can't leave was apparently mostly panicking and trying to avoid being sucked in. But there was one old one…“

Natori breaks off and Seiji waits for him to continue.

“He apparently insisted on the Matoba clan once buried a god by a tree in the middle of the forest. It somehow lost its face and was trying to find it. He claims it is slowly waking up.”

Seiji is quiet for a moment.

“A powerful god?”

“Apparently.”

There are times when his particular family legacy makes Seiji feel very tired and this is one of them.

“Yes,” he says, “that doesn’t sound entirely unbelievable.”

 

Armed with the new information the household goes back to searching the old scrolls. Nanase gets back to him that afternoon and hands him several old documents, yellow with age. They read more like a myth than something that actually happened, but the god and the power it possesses, which is described within them, matches the current situation to a t.

Despite the tenseness of the situation there is something deceptively pleasant with working side by side with another exorcist. Exorcist are often solitary creatures, and know loss and loneliness more than most. That is why their attachment rarely runs too deep. This has always been the case at least for the Matoba’s. They guard their clan well. Rare is the cooperation with other clans and Seiji has never felt the need to. He has after all always was perfectly adequate on his own. Now he resents the feeling of community because it won’t last forever and he is to be honest quite sick of missing things he can't have.

“I don’t think it was the Matoba clan that buried this god,” Seiji comments as he is reading, “they simply seem to be chronicling a much older story. Perhaps this places even was chosen for residence because we once desired to somehow tap in to the power of the god.”

“That sounds exactly like something a Matoba would do,” Natori says, but there is no bite in it. For the moment he is far too caught up in what he's doing to remember to be angry. “And I certainly hope this isn’t your family talking about itself, because there are a worrying amount of descriptions like “the hero” and “the beautiful young man” in mine and that is downright traumatizing if that is some sort of autobiography.”

Seiji almost laughs but refrains.

Even if it reads like a fairytale the text is interesting. “ _There once was a god that Amaterasu refuse to see. As she turned away from him no sun ever fell on his face and it disappeared. As he was banished the void where his face should be plagued him. He fled to the forest to avoid his reflection that wasn’t there. Finally he started to search for light to light up his face. The strongest light there is on earth is a spirit.”_ As he continues to scan the words Seiji’s eyes catch on something “ _If he awaken, he can only be lured like Amaterasu herself once was lured, and bound to the world forever_ ”.

He starts paying a closer attention as the document does on and when he reaches the end he almost sighs. _I see._ He doesn’t realize that he has spoken out loud until Natori looks up.

“You see what?”                             

“I think I know what we need to do. I will need to cross reference it of course. And discuss it further with some of my advisors, but if I am reading this text right.

“Then...?”

“It is a god we are fighting, and a god with more power than one we ever met before. There is, if I understand this correctly, only one thing that can bind such thing.”

“I suspect this won’t be a clay pot.”

Seiji actually genuinely smiles at that, he can’t help himself.”

“We will need a magatama.”

Natori looks at him,

“That… doesn’t sound all that hard. What is the catch?”

“It is not any magatama. We will need one so strong it was chosen to protect a country. We need a yasakani.”

Natori is very quiet for a moment. He opens his mouth, closes it and tries again,

“As in yasakani no magatama?" he says very carefully. "Are you actually saying that we need to somehow acquire one of the imperial Shinto regalia of Japan? Because there seems to be vanishingly little probability that we can actually do that.”

Seiji shakes his head a little.

“The current imperial regalia was cut from a larger stone. Other magatama was cut from that same stone. We need something strong enough to attract it and strong enough to hold it and only one of the yasakani can.”

“Great. Do you actually know where we might get one?”

Which he of course doesn't. Life generally doesn't have the courtesy to be easy.

“No, they are very rare. But I someone in this house should have that information. I will try to find it.”

From the look on his face they are several things Natori would like to say to that, but he is sticking to somewhat civil at the moment. Instead he lifts up his scroll again.

“I will try to work out what binding to use on the actual magatama, then. And if I read my scroll correctly I think me should acquire some mirrors when we face it.”

“Mirrors?” Seiji says. “For a god with no face?”

“If the fairytale version is correct he flees even a pond because he fears the nothing that face him. Something tells me he is not that fond of mirrors.”

In the end all his advisors agree with him. A cut form the stone which yasakani no magatama was made from is what is needed to contain a god with such strength. Acquiring such an object is another matter. A yasakani no magatama is almost a mythical thing. It is mostly discussed in theory and most of them are lost or perhaps in use putting things too powerful to move unhindered to sleep. The news that comes back are not encouraging. The last known exemplar was kept hidden in Izumo Taisha until a youkai stole it only last year. That means that they are practically helpless until they find it and finding one rouge youkai is not an easy feat. Words and letters and shiki servants are sent out but no one seems to know where it has gone. It is immensely frustrating.

Natori is walking around the house like a caged tiger and even Seiji is losing his patience. The bond is growing and the small mark is growing black but the youkai’s power is also escalating. The god is undoubtedly close to waking up and the placed wards are straining from the force. All the tension like a drawn bow under the surface. They sit and read the same myth over and over again. Trying to find angles where there aren't any.

"It seems hard, doesn't it?" Natori says, seemingly emerged in the same page he has read a dozen times. "To lose your whole identity because someone refuses to knowledge you."

"Maybe," Seiji says quietly, "that is sometimes for the best."

As soon as he says it he wishes he hadn't, and he has to restrain himself not to flinch at the look in Natori's eyes.

 

Thought there are moments like that, when everything they say seems to be equipped with tripwires and barbed wire, another and bigger problem is emerging from Natori's stay here. Seiji had anticipated it to be unpleasant. What he hasn't anticipated, and which is much worse, is that they actually often get along. Seiji can't forget what his duties are and Natori obviously haven't forgotten that he is angry. But it is so easy, in the moments when they sit and go through the scrolls, or improve the wards or even simply share a space, to forget. They start to speak about something or discuss a solution and suddenly Seiji feels that feeling of contentment or finds himself smiling or Natori laughs out loud, and suddenly they both realize what they are doing and the room goes frozen with silence again. It is a dangerous, dangerous path. Dangerous because things he wanted in abstract is right in front of his face, he is not a child that has the luxury to indulge any longer. And he isn't the only one having trouble, Seiji suspects that half of Natori's impatience is built on unease. There is something building in the air and they are both, almost with a silent understanding, pretending it isn't there.

 

 After two weeks of pouring over old documents Natori does finds something in the forgotten corners of the archive. He speaks up as Seiji is trying to decipher one of the old family histories about the forest god.

“I think we can use this,” he says, giving the scroll he has been reading to Seiji. “It is part of the spell that first put the god to sleep.”

“Part of it?”

“It is only one of the wards. It will probably not last that long without the other components but at least it would buy us some time until we can find that damn jewel. This power is about to tear trough all our wards and I don’t want to know what it will be like when he actually wakes up.”

Seiji looks at the document, considering. It is true that they need to do something and the ward described within looks doable, but it also demand that you go to the place where the god is buried and that seems a dangerous venture in this literal storm of power that is building.

“I think it might work,” Seiji says, still looking at the scroll. It will be difficult getting close, but if one of us stay here conserving power then it should feed through the bond and make it possible.”

“And with one of us you mean me,” Natori says flatly and the temporary peace between them that has lasted these weeks is looking eerily unstable.

Seiji doesn’t answer, because they both know who is best at warding between them and who is more apt at using their increased power. There isn’t much about that which can be contested. But for a moment it makes him infinitely sad that this calm has broken even if he knew it couldn’t last forever.

“We need to plan it out,” he says instead. “There are things we can do to make it easier and there is no point to just rushing in.”

And right then, with an incredible sense of ironic timing, a burst so powerful that the house literally shakes hits them, and Seiji can feel the wards being stretched through their limits.

“Damn it, did it wake up?” Natori gasps. “Maybe-“

But then the words die in his mouth because suddenly the massive draining burst of power is getting less and less powerful, like it is decreasing again.

“What the-?”

“I don’t care right now,” Seiji is feeling tense and the lack of control grates him. “Let’s go and check the wards. While we still can. I don’t think it is quite awake yet.”

Natori is looking strained.

"How the hell are we going to fight that? I think we should bring the mirrors. Just in case."

The do bring the mirrors with them, but the area around the house is quiet. The wards are still holding but the area outside them looks like a disaster zone. It is like the place exploded with trees and plants thrown around and the ground disturbed.

“I wonder why it was trying to come here” Natori says considering. “It seems directed. I don’t understand how it can be when it is still asleep?

Seiji considers it.

“The story said that it looked for spiritual power. Perhaps even half-awake it is attracted to it? This is after all the place with the most gathered spiritual power in the forest right now.”

For a moment Natori is almost grinning despite the circumstances.

“So we are fighting a giant moth. Perfect.”

“You really have a very un-romantic view of everything.”

“What are you talking about? I am the most romantic man alive. Ask my fans!”

Seiji snorts but refrains from admitting that he has actually seen one of Natori's movies. It was as expected terrible but there were other gains.

"Let's just strengthen the wards."

“Well, we might need something to-“

As Seiji starts to speak, one of Natori’s shiki servants shows up. Seiji knows her only because he knows everyone moving around Natori in general. She is not one of the ones he brought to the house.

“The boy,” the shiki servant says, “the boy went into the forest. To save those dwelling there. They are dying”

Natori turns violently.

“He did what?! When?!”

“Not long ago. I kept an eye on him, like you said. He has been arguing with Madara for days. The youkai kept coming and asking him for help. Then he started to hear voices and his friends got sick. And just now he went into the forest. I tried to follow him, but I couldn't continue. I could hardly get back.”

“Damn it! Natori says. Seiji is feeling a headache coming on. It is not incredibly difficult to guess who they are talking about. He has, despite everything, grown somewhat fond of Natsume Takashi and would not wish to have him sucked dry by a rampaging forest god. On the other hand he cannot for the life of him understand what kind of person just rushes into a forest with that powerful a being seemingly without any kind of plan.

Just as he is thinking this Natori curses again and then he is gone, straight into the forest through the broken barrier, running off in the most foolhardy way possible. Totally and utterly according to character. Seiji does not curse, he never does, but for once in his life he actually wants to. For a moment he hesitates, because he knows what the consequences might be for this, but he realizes that he is the one with the spell for the ward in his pocket and right now he honestly doesn’t trust Natori’s ability to survive out there, especially if he is trying to take care of someone else. That shouldn’t be a part of his decision making, but it is. He grabs his bow and the mirror and follows.


	5. Chapter 5

At first moving through the forest is bearable, but the closer he gets to the source the more arduous it becomes. It is like moving in quicksand. There is a resistance to his movement and it is hard to breathe, like the air is turning to tar. He is exhausted. He lost sight of Natori almost immediately and for a moment he got turned around, walking the wrong way. He didn’t even realize it until he noticed it was easier to breathe. This is by far the most irresponsible thing Seiji has ever done. He can blame on an array of things, hide it behind a lot of logic. But what he should have done, is to instantly have returned to the house to have the bond revoked. There are fail safes for situation just like this. What he absolutely should _not_ do, is going out unprotected without a reasonable backup plan. He should still try to get back to the house to have the bond revoked. But he doesn’t. He grits his teeth and keeps going forward, struggling against a power that is a million time as strong as he is.

He can hear voices and growls even before he sees anything. The last steps past the bushes is like trying to move through concrete. Then he is in a clearing. Around it is a multitude of dead threes, black and twisted like they are in agony. In the middle of it is a huge oak. It also looks dead, but it isn’t black, it is a greyish white and it looks like a ghost of a tree despite its massive size. From his vantage point he can see that the ground is heaving in places around it, like something under it is struggling to get out.

In the middle of the clearing Natsume is in a heap on the ground; a huge wolf youkai stands shielding him and Natori is there too, with his mirror up. The air seems to be howling. As he is watching the mirror in Natori’s hand breaks, shattering in to thousands of pieces over his hand and arms creating an untold numbers of small, bleeding cuts. He has no idea what he can do. He has his bow, but there is nothing for him to shoot at, it is only raw power of its maybe unconscious mind. The mirror seemed to be a short distraction at best. There has to be some way to do this, some logical plan of attack. He tries to think back to all the scrolls he read through these few weeks and all the information he gathered filtered through the lens of a myth and an idea occurs to him. He lifts his bow and aims, he has some trouble forming the arrows, but he quickly shoots a couple off into the forest across the clearing, as far from the people in it as he can come. The arrows are in no way powerful enough to fight this god, but they are a clear, undiluted spiritual power, unhindered by any human body. As he hoped for the power reacts like any moth to the brightest flame and for a moment the immense pressure in the clearing eases somewhat as it chase after them.

Luckily both Natori and the wolf youkai take advantage of this and grabs Natsume dragging him out of the clearing and away from the apex of power. Seiji helps them the last part. While the god's power is burning through the whole forest, the true force of it still seems to be bound to the clearing by the tree.  The wolf youkai is curling agitated around Natsume, shielding him. Natsume is out cold and dangerously pale. Seiji suddenly realizes that the surge of power they felt probably came from so much of Natsume's power being drained away at the same time. He must have intentionally or by deception managed to step right into the power circle where the god had unhindered access.

Natori is bleeding from both arms and he is staring at Seiji as if _he_ is some sort of ghost and Seiji does not know why he finds that so disconcerting.

“We need to leave. He will die here”

It is the wolf youkai, who clearly has no interest in anything else.

“You need to leave. I need to put up a ward” Seiji says tense and angry because unplanned and out of control is his least favorite way to do anything and right now the situation has both in spades.

“Are you absolutely out of your mind?”

That is Natori, who technically has lost every right to say that after he ran into the forest, but Seiji is too exhausted to argue the point.

“Why would I be?” is the best he can manage.

“We need to get out of here right now. Don’t you get it? He is dying?”

“Did I not just say that you should get out of here? The ward is not that hard and the only thing I need for it is the right words. I’m the only one who needs to stay.”

“We are not leaving you here either,” Natori says, obviously upset, though Seiji is fairly sure Natori has spent the last several years wanting to push him of a cliff. One of the biggest problems with people Seiji has realized, is that they always assume they can have everything. It doesn’t occur to them that if you chose one thing you have to give up another. You can’t save everyone and still get what you want, that is the stuff of myths and legends.

“I have to stay", he says. “I have to put up this ward before it is too late. Look at the ground.”

Both Natori and the wolf stares at the tree as the heaving starts up again.

“The god is opening its eyes,” the wolf says very quietly.

Natori hesitates, torn. The crackling power in the air is overwhelming, but he and Natori is doing infinitely better than Natsume. The wolf is doing its best to shield them, but it is a losing battle.

“Look,” Seiji says between clenched teeth. Since you ran wildly out into the forest after this boy I would think that you would actually like him to survive. Plus, if you get to safer ground that means that you can regain power which in turn means that _I_ will have more power to do what I have to do. We need to put a ward here, no matter how temporary it is. This creature is waking up _right now_ , if it does we are all dead and right now you are bleeding all over the place and that is costing me energy”

For a moment they glare at each other which seems to be an actually impressing feat in the middle what feels like the apocalypse, but then Natori nods.

“Don’t get too close,” he says and then they are gone, aided by the wolf youkai.

Seiji waits crouched down and after a few minutes he feels a stirring of power return to him, making him strong enough to actually gather his power again and get to his feet. Luckily for him, the god does not seem to be directing itself at him in particular. As long as you stay out of the center it seems to unconsciously lash out at anything close enough and right now they are a lot of persons running about.

He sends another arrow out, but as he is getting weaker, so are they. It is still enough to allow him to move. He carefully creeps closer and is not quite sure if his darkening vision is because it is actually getting darker or if he is about to pass out. The energy engulfing him is relentless. He knows he won’t come as close as the opening, but he manages to reach one of the blackened trees nearby, which will have to do. He flicks the mirror up and it is like the air itself recoils which gives him an opening. The mirror is dragged from is grip and crushed again and again and again until it is diamond dust in the air. But Seiji has already managed to draw the necessary lines. As he places the seal the ground heaves violently and for a moment he thinks it didn’t work, but then the air seems to clear up and the world goes quiet.

The power is in no way gone, but it isn’t actively killing him. He breathes out carefully. Somehow it feels suspiciously easy but even as he waits nothing happens. He lets his arm drops and leans against a tree when suddenly a gathered burst of energy comes hurling at him, an angry lash from the creature dwelling below that was temporarily hindered. He sees it coming and in a fraction of a second he wonder if he is actually going to die her, if he really has failed at his duties so spectacularly. Then someone grabs him from behind and they both go hurling into the ground away from the flash of raw power.

He goes down into the moss gasping for a moment and then he lifts his head up. He didn’t have any clear idea who it was that he thought helped him, but he is still utterly surprised by who it is. One of Natori’s shiki servants is laid out on the ground beside him, the one he almost shot, gasping for air more desperately than he is. As Seiji gets on his feet with an effort she stays on the ground with her mask a bit askew and her blond hair fanned out under her.

The most rational thing would of course be to leave her there, but that feels ungracious towards Natori, so Seiji manages to pull her up and drag her along. He is worried that there will be another power burst, but the god seems to have calmed for the moment. Soon they get far enough away for the air to become breathable again and the shiki servant manages to walk from her own power.

“Did Natori send you?”

He is surprised to hear his own voice. Why on earth he starts a conversation with a shiki servant he does not know. He blames it on the effect of being too close to the forest god.

The shiki servant watches him for a moment. Then simply says,

“No.”

Seiji’s eyebrows rises.

“No?”

“He just wanted to go back himself. It is the way he has always been. I thought this was a much better option.”

Despite his nature, and all the nurture he has ever received Seiji, for the first time, feels a clear sense of affection towards a youkai.

“Yes,” he agrees, “this was probably a much better option. Though I’m surprised he let you.”

Seiji has learned that Natori for some reason is overly attached to his shiki servants, it surprises him that Natori actually would listen to reason.

“He didn’t quite let me,” the shiki servant’s voice is very matter of fact. “He doesn’t always understand what is in his best interest so I am sometimes forced to make decisions he doesn’t agree with.”

Seiji stares at her trying to wrap his head around that. He manages to keep his face impassive.

“And you think that saving me is in his best interest?”

“I think keeping him from going in the forest was in his best interest. I think saving you will make him happy. Those are my only concerns.”

It is slowly dawning on Seiji that this shiki servant actually likes Natori. Not only obeys him but actually cares about him. Which is bizarre. He is a bit worried when he realizes that that actually makes him like her. And unfortunately that makes his next question very honest.

“You can’t seriously believe that saving me would make him happy?”

The shiki’s voice is still very matter of fact.

“I believe you are an idiot. But that is alright, because so is he so you are perfectly suited.”

Then without changing inflection she says,

“I probably shouldn’t have said that. Natori would probably be upset if you shot me.”

Seiji looks at her for a few moments and then his shoulders start to shake. For the first time since he was a child he is actually laughing out loud and he can’t stop doing it. His legs are still shaking and for a moment he actually needs to support himself against a tree all while the shiki is watching him with some interest. After a while he gets a hold of himself and can carry on, but he continues to laugh quietly all the way through the forest.


	6. Chapter 6

The run into Natori anxiously searching for them on the way back. For a while when he first sees them the perfect actor mask he always seems to wear is gone and the look in his face is pure relief. Then he gets angry. He goes into an angry whispered conversation with the shiki which has a lot of “unacceptable” in it. The shiki seems apologetic but at the same time unperturbed. Clearly she isn’t wallowing in regret.

After that they all go quiet, but Seiji can feel Natori glancing at him periodically. As they approach the house Natori clears his throat.

“I… I am glad you are alright. And thank you for bringing her back.”

Seiji shrugs tired and uncomfortable. A lot of things happened today which has totally brought him off balance. He made an unreasonable decision and ran into danger totally abandoning his duties. He nearly died and left his house and clan in an unacceptable situation. He found himself worrying attached to a shiki servant who called him an idiot and now Natori is looking at him like he have done something great and it concerns him how much value he attaches to that. All in all he has never in his life been in a bigger breach of his personal ethics and it is frightening.

Nanase looks at him with a hint of worry when they return, which says a lot coming from her. Natori is steered off to get his arms properly treated. Natsume is still unconscious and Seiji is still so exhausted and shaky that he goes to his room and goes to sleep in the middle of the day. Much later he is woken up by a servant that informs him that Natsume has woken up.  He has been put to bed in the main house still exhausted from the draining power from the forest but he looks very unapologetic when Seiji walks into the room. Seiji has probably never met a more frustrating human aside from Natori. He does like Natsume Takashi, for some reason it is hard not to, but right now he really want to shake some sense into him.

“That,” he says pointedly, “wasn’t your greatest idea was it?”

Natsume is still obviously dizzy from the force of the youkai and he is holding a very tight grip of his strange pig cat but his eyes are stubborn.

“I won’t choose,” he says. ”I won’t chose between my friends and I won’t leave them to die. I will do everything I can do.”

For a moment Seiji wants to actually slap him, but at the same time he can feel respect and even some envy for that belief in impossible things. The idea that your will to fight will matter. He never has had the opportunity to be that naïve but sometimes he wish he could be even for a moment. Then he forces himself to calm down. Losing your temper is useless.

“Dying for nothing is a futile thing.”

“Other people are dying. And not just youkai. Other people with spirit power. Just letting them die is much more futile.”

Seiji looks at him considering. He senses a deeper story here, because he doesn’t believe that even this boy would be reckless enough just to charge into the forest on a whim under these conditions, but he suspects he might never know. And he realizes that there is something he can gain right now from this boy who has such strange attachments to youkai and who wants to believe in the world so badly.

“If you want to help than there is a different way you can. You speak to youkai; find out who stole the yasakani no magatama that was stored at Izumo Taisha. Find it and bring it here. It is the best chance you will ever have to fight for your friends.”

And there is something in Natsume’s eyes when he nods in answer that perhaps even is gratitude.

After that he insists on returning him home. While he is still dizzy and clinging to his pig cat he insists that his foster parents will worry otherwise. Natori insists on helping them on their way and Seiji is too exhausted to insist on anything. The forest god is really taking a toll on his self-discipline.

 

When Natori comes back there is a different aura about him. He goes right over to Seiji and there is a look in his eyes that has never been there before.

“He will be fine, I think,” Natori says. “The ward reduced the power enough so he could get some strength back. Though I still have no idea what he was thinking running into the woods like that. A few more minutes and he would have been killed.

“Yes,” Seiji says somewhat acidly. “There was an awful lot of running into the forest today.”

Natori laughs unselfconsciously.

“Are you talking about me or you,” he says cheerfully. “Because I was really surprised by one of those things. But yes… I suppose.” He quiets for a few minutes contemplating. “I suppose look at him and see myself. When I was a teenager, I mean. I guess I would have liked if someone ran in after me.”

Seiji chooses to ignore the more loaded part of Natori’s reply and instead comments,

“He is a lot less angry than you always were.”

Natori smiles slightly.

“Probably. Which is good. I don’t want him to be angry. I want him to grow up and be able to continue to be kind. I want him to grow up and believe in connections and in fighting for your friends. To be an exorcist can’t only just mean to suffer. I suppose I want to believe in that.”

It makes Seiji feel sad to argue against that but nonetheless he that is something he can never believe.

“Natori,” he says very quietly, “kindness is the best way to misery for any exorcist. We give away kindness so that other people can afford to have it. What an exorcist need is strength. Perhaps we will never agree about that, but it is still true.”

He expects Natori to get angry, because this is, one way or another, part of what they have always been fighting about. What the meaning of exorcists is. The importance of strength. But Natori doesn't get angry. He just focuses his intensity straight at Seiji in a way he has never done before. Not even when they were friends.

“ _We give away kindness so that other people can afford to have it_? And that isn’t kindness?”

“It’s duty,” Seiji says, because that really is the explanation. But Natori’s eyes are flashing gold.

“That is awfully convenient isn’t it? That you can wave kindness as a concept away, but if you do something kind it is duty? Would what Natsume did today make more sense if it was what his family did? Is what I did today totally rational because it is my duty? Did you drag Hiiragi back with you because of duty? That makes no sense.”

Seiji really does not want to go through explaining the endless strings attached to duty in contrast to the disarrayed and ultimately futile thing that is kindness. And then there is that unpleasant knowledge that what he did today was not duty. But to explain to Natori why that was the completely wrong thing to do he would also have to explain why he did it, and that is forever a minefield that is totally unacceptable to walk into. Especially since it contains the words “I wanted to” and that is something that should be gone from his vocabulary long ago. It is one thing to be chased by the shadow of the past maybe even enjoying the line of a person’s face when you get the chance, but right now Natori’s presences is making him behave irresponsibly and that is unforgivable. Now he just shrugs apologetically at Natori.

“I do things for duty because I am bound to it by my name. They all have a certain logic to them. I can do things that seem kind for that duty and things that seem unkind. You should know that.”

He is deliberately touching a wound with that one, but for once it doesn’t work. Natori actually grins at him.

“Sure,” he says. “I absolutely should know that. Only right now I am perhaps questioning what it is I actually know.”

Seiji has no time to answer before the shiki servant from the forest quietly appears in the hall and Natori is distracted.

“I think Hiiragi has found something out,” he says. “We met with several youkai fleeing as we were leaving the forest, the really old ones who has been hiding so far, and a few of them seemed to have heard of the god. I thought they might have some idea of how to put him to sleep again, so I asked her to talk with them.”

As Natori turns to leave Seiji stands very still watching him.

 _This is dangerous_ his head tells him. _This is incredibly dangerous._ It is not the god he is referring to.

 

It turns out that Natori’s shiki has indeed found something.

“There is a ceremony to it,” Natori explains. “To seal the god I mean. Not only the magatama, but a rite to go with it. One of the old youkai remembers it. He promised Hiiragi that he would talk to me. Even if he can’t remember it all I should be able to piece it together if I have the foundation.”

“A youkai that knows exorcist spells?” Seiji is skeptical.

“Well, not exorcist spells exactly. And it isn’t just exorcists that the god is a threat to, so I understand that he remembers. All youkai that can’t leave the forest has taken refuge by the lake in the south. Hiiragi will take me there.”

Seiji sighs and reaches for his bow but Natori looks at him almost indulgently.

“Matoba,” he says, didn’t we have this conversation before. Do you think there is a youkai out there that trusts anyone in this house?”

That is unquestionable logic, but that means that Natori will be walking around in the forest without the protection he should have and it makes Seiji’s whole body tense up like a string. There should be some reason as to why this is a bad idea, but the problem is that there is none. His views on the matter is probably visible on his face, because Natori says almost gently,

“I thought you would appreciated a useful thing.”

For once there is no malice in the words, but Seiji can feel their impact almost like a physical kick. He manage not to react in any other way than drawing a breath but suddenly Natori is up in his space leaning in. Seiji feels a hand on his shoulder and then Natori says, very close to his ear,

“I’ll be back this afternoon.”

Natori says it so very earnestly, which is the worst way he could say it, and there are numerous of unspoken things crammed into those words. The hand on his shoulder is generating body heat and causes a spark in power from their shared connection. Then he let’s go and Seiji is left almost shaky. _I want_ the back of his head tells him and it takes him some time to push the words away.


	7. Chapter 7

Natori is a decently capable exorcist and this is not a mission that should be too perilous. But Seiji can't stop himself from feeling a desperate urge to actually do something to aid his way. As Natori is having his arms checked over again before leaving, Seiji finds himself waiting outside, still tense and looking for a reason to veto this trip. Natori’s shiki servants are there too. He notices that the blonde one from the forest watches him quietly. The mask conceals her face, but there is a calm and maybe a curiosity surrounding her and Seiji gets the feeling that she is watching him like she would be watching a very interesting animal. _Hiiragi_ he thinks, and then gets disturbed when he realizes that he actually has learned her name. For a minute he is worried that some of Natori’s personality has actually been forcibly introduced to him through the bond.

Suddenly, without any prompting she speaks up,

“I will watch out for him.”

She says it very matter-of-factly, like she is answering a question or a plea, and Seiji is startled by the pure impertinence. For a minute he almost gets angry, especially at her calm assumption that he is here worrying (that it is true is irrelevant). But actually showing that anger would give her a strange sort of victory so he answer with a question, and one that he is actually interested in knowing the reply to.

“You are very loyal to him. Don’t you resent him?”

Someone with as unapologetic personality as this shiki can hardly enjoy being bound after all.

“For what?” Hiiragi’s voice is level. “He never made me do anything. He was kind to me once, when I was a child, so I made the choice to follow him.”

“He was kind to you?” Seiji says. Why has his whole life suddenly become about the importance of kindness? “I wasn’t aware that was something a youkai would cherish.”

“Sometimes kindness is everything. Sometimes I think youkai are the loneliest beings on earth. We walk through the world reaching out into a void.”

Her voice is almost without infliction, but somehow there are emotions there.

“But then I see humans and know that they are as lonely as we are. It is like every soul in the whole world is reaching for a connection which isn’t there. And act of kindness is a bond in a way. An acknowledgement that you exist.”

He doesn’t know why that explanation riles him up more, but it does.

“You don’t need other people’s acknowledgment for existing,” he says shortly.

She simply turns her head fully. He can’t see her face behind the mask but he has never been so aware of someone disagreeing with him as he is now. It is practically oozing from her. The only thing she says when she answers him, however, is.

“If you say so.”

The other shiki is watching with something like befuddlement and, perhaps fortunately, their conversation is cut short when Natori comes out.

“All ready he says,” then he looks at Seiji and for a moment his eyes linger. And while he wants to dismiss everything Hiiragi just said Seiji suddenly understand the feeling suddenly finding something in a void.

Seiji finds himself frustrated and unable to settle while Natori is away. He forces himself to calm down and think it through. You should always understand your emotions and never let them influence you. He has learned this well during his life. It isn’t like Natori is in great danger. It isn’t like Natori have done countless of dangerous things during his life and his job as an exorcist. So why is this so difficult?

He knows why of course. He has after all been keeping somewhat an eye on Natori over the years. It hasn’t cost him anything and sometimes he has even gotten the chance to snatch some useful youkai from him. It has been an arrangement which has cost him nothing so it has always been acceptable. But this situation is one even Seiji is not good enough to deal with on his own. He has no control over it. And now Natori is walking right into it without aid. This conclusion is, however, equally unacceptable, because protecting Natori or helping Natsume Takashi, _cost_ something and he is still doing it. And being concerned about Natori’s well-being means that he is actually placing value on it, and he still does that too. It is like he is hand waving all the valuable lessons he has been taught, all the control he has ever learned for something so selfish as his own emotions. But there is no way to distance himself from the situation right now, to regain that control which means that he suddenly is without answers. The only solution is to find that magatama and put an end to this. He forces himself to sit down and keep still, but it doesn’t keep the tension from his shoulders. It stays there until Nanase comes in and tells him that Natori has returned.

 

Seiji ignores the gradual relaxing of his muscles and stays firmly seated when Natori comes in.

“Well?” he simply says.

Natori filled with energy. It almost sizzles around him. It could simply be the energy sharing between them, but it strikes Seiji that he has never seen Natori quite like this, it isn’t only that he is stronger, it is like he is genuine in a way that he has never been before.

“Yeah, I got it! I will need to fill in some parts, but I am pretty sure I can use the archives here to do that. We still do need that damn magatama, though”

“So all in all we are basically in the same place we were yesterday?”

“Well, now we won’t go to the grave with _just_ the magatama and die horribly.”

Despite that the god’s power is growing in the air again the atmosphere feels light for some reason and Seiji can feel himself smiling.

“That,” he says, “is fortunate indeed.”

Natori sits down carefully and starts unraveling his documents. Seiji quietly looks out the window. He can’t do much about the magatama, but he should start thinking out what to do when the ward breaks because right now it looks like that will happen before they can find what they need. He is pretty sure that the same ward won't work again, it seems to be breaking because the power of the god in some way is adapting to the power signature. It one way or another the god doesn't seem to be breaking it, he seems to be _unlocking_ it. And Seiji can't quite get around the problem with the magatama no matter how much he twists it.

The room is quiet besides the rustle of Natori's papers and the scratching of his pen, and it strikes Seiji yet again how comfortable this is, sharing a room with Natori and working with him. Suddenly there is a pressing sadness within him and he allows it for a moment, and acknowledges its place. It is sometimes acceptable to mourn impossible things as long as you accept that they are impossible. After a while he realizes that Natori has stopped writing and when he turns around Natori is watching him silently

They are both quiet for a few seconds and then Natori smiles slightly.

“When we were younger I once saw you standing looking out over the water,” he says quietly “You didn’t even know I was there, and I remember being so grateful to not see your face and so grateful that you were at a distance from me.”

The subject of their past has been forbidden so long that Seiji is almost shocked to hear Natori voice it, but he still has to smile at that.

“You were always an exceptionally grumpy boy,” he says, amused. “I don’t think my presence has ever quite riled anyone like it did you.”

He can see the corner of Natori’s mouth quirk.

“I was afraid,” he says. “I was afraid that if you looked at me too long I would have to accept your truth as my truth. I was afraid that the sadness in your face was inevitable for me. I finally met someone who saw what I saw, but what they took from it was not what I wanted to take. When we did become friends we did it totally against my better judgment.”

“You weren’t wrong,” Seiji says, and he can’t quite hide the sadness in it. But perhaps he never could.

“Yes I was,” Natori says, and Seiji is surprised by his surety in his voice “You can never look at me long enough to make me believe something that I don’t want to believe. I thought we were opposing forces, and I thought that was the most destructive thing you could be. But you aren’t wrong about everything. And perhaps there is a balance. Perhaps there is a time where strength is everything and perhaps there is a time where kindness is everything and perhaps those are the things we need to combine.”

Seiji shakes his head, because this does seems to be a repeating theme, but that still doesn’t make it true.

“You have been spending too much time with Natsume Takashi,”

Natori laughs out loud at that,

“Oh, no. I think I drive him a little crazy. No, the one I have been spending too much time with is you.”

Seiji laughs softly,

“If that was true you would hardly keep speaking to me about the importance of kindness, would you?” he says.

“Wouldn’t I?” Natori says, and his voice is brighter than Seiji has ever heard it, “you shouldn’t be too sure about that.”

And for once Seiji doesn’t even try to argue with him. For a moment he simply enjoys this feeling of connection between them, because it feel like something he has been missing for ages and didn’t even know about. Then he realizes what he is doing and uncomfortably moves his shoulders. He is not accustomed to feeling off balance.

“What exactly is this ceremony you are working on?” he asks, to get back to more stable ground.

Natori is still smiling, but he drops the subject without a fight which Seiji finds both surprising and worrying. Stubborn is quite a glaring characteristic for the Natori he knows.

“It is sort of a ritual of distraction. It is made to gain the gods whole focus and lock him into place while another exorcist binds him into the magatama.”

“Is it complicated?”

“I would say more unusual. It’s not a traditional ritual. It will require some dancing.”

“Dancing?” Seiji says. “Ah, yes of course. Is suppose that was how Ame-no-uzume lured Amaterasu after all, to prevent eternal darkness. Fitting. Though I must admit that dancing hardly is an area where I have a lot of training. I hope you are better suited for that part”

Natori smiles down at his scrolls.

“You didn’t cover dancing in the Matoba exorcist teachings? I am beginning to lose all respect for you.”

“I am sorry to disappoint.”

“You are better than bindings than I am anyway, so that is pretty suitable,” there is no bitterness in the words, nor is there any deceptive lightness. It is matter of fact. The anger at the difference in their skills that has been simmering under the surface for years seems to have dissolved. Clearly Seiji is not the only one who is being careless. That is not a comforting thought.

“I am going to try to find a way to delay the breaking of the ward on the grave,” he says, and perhaps he isn’t so much trying to avoid topics as he is trying to avoid his own mind, “if it breaks before we are prepared I don’t think we can win.”

Natori grows serious at that and for a moment Seiji feels like the power vibrating in the air is trembling in reply.


	8. Chapter 8

He doesn’t get very far in figuring out how to either replace the ward or strengthen it that night, but in a surprising stroke of luck he doesn’t need to. The next day a servant comes and tells him that Natsume Takashi is at his door.

Natsume still looks pale and sick but he is looking determined. The strange pig cat youkai is sitting on the ground beside him looking at Seiji like he is a worm.

“You said you would take care of it,” are the first words out of Natsume’s mouth. “Can you do that with the magatama?”

“With a yasakani? Yes.”

Natsume is looking at him with distrust painted all over his face and Seiji looks at him patiently.

"I can get you Natori if you want. He will tell you the same thing.”

Natsume is quiet for a while and then he says,

“When you kill it… will you use any ayakashii? Will they die?”

Seiji looks at him carefully, trying to figure out why he is fond of this boy who focuses his life on such irrelevant things. Perhaps he is the same as Natori in a way, perhaps he sees the undying belief there and want to protect it, for no other reason than that that kind of belief is so vanishingly rare.

“If I had to I would,” he says truthfully, “but I don’t have to. No ayakashii would be of any use to me in this battle.”

Natsume looks at him for a moment and then he holds out his hand. When Seiji looks down he sees the bean shaped form of a magatama. A yasakani.”

Seiji can count the number of times he has been speechless in his life on his right hand. Currently it adds up to 1. He takes a deep breath and lets it out again. Then very carefully he says.

“That was remarkably efficient of you.”

As he reaches out and takes the stone he can feel its power humming through him. Then he looks at Natsume again. There is no smugness in the face in front of him, just concern. Natsume opens his mouth, hesitates and then says,

“Don’t get Natori killed.”

Seiji smiles sadly.

“I won’t,” he says.

 

After Natsume has left Seiji turns to the house again. Natori is standing in the hall waiting and when he sees the stone his eyes widened.

“That was…. quick.”

“Quick?” Seiji says. “Can you explain to me how he got a hold of this when my whole household fail? What kind of power does he have?”

He isn’t actually expecting an answer.

Aren’t you glad,” Natori says with a smile, totally bypassing the question, “that we ran in wildly and saved him from the forest?”

Seiji doesn't know what is more annoying, that Natori avoided the pertinent question or that Natori is right. It would, however, be pointless to explain to him both that their completely unplanned run into the forest ended up well purely because of luck and that whatever power Natsume has could be endlessly useful in battling youkai, because Natori already knows both those things. It is best to just let it be. And in a way Seiji wonders about Natsume Takashi. He was probably the one that made Natori remember what he wanted to protect and he was the one who made Seiji himself just for a minute see the desire to save youkai as something perhaps even admirable though endlessly foolish. Perhaps the youkai just likes him so much that they go and give him exceptionally important jewels. Seiji manages to resist the urge to sigh and just shakes his head.

 

Natori manages to fill in the last parts of the ritual that evening. Seiji watches him practice it. It is not so much an actually dance as it is choreographed steps, but it looks calm and graceful and Seiji enjoys it. Natori catches him at it, and this time he doesn’t comment on it at all, but it seems like he is starting to sparkle. It is worrying. Seiji doesn’t quite know what to do with a Natori who enjoys his company.

"We are going to have to distract it, you know," Natori says as he is finishing. "Getting there is well and good, but I think I need to do this ritual in the clearing and I am going to need some time to work. I suppose you could distract it but honestly getting its attention seems neither smart nor safe."

Seiji nods, because he knows that very well.

"I know a spell, he says slowly, "which possibly could help with that. You can use it to place your signature on something or someone else so youkai perceive it to be you. I is great if you want to use someone else as bait, but I am not quite sure how it would be applicable here. Neither of us want the attention and putting it on a tree wouldn't do much good. Plus it is a spell you want to at least prepare in advance. It takes time. I suppose we could take someone with us, but they wouldn't hardly last even the walk through the woods."

Then he sees what kind of face Natori is doing at him and lifts his palms apologetically. He is who he is and what he thinks he need to do he will do. Not because he enjoys it but because he thinks it is the best option. There will always be this void between of he and Natori sees the world."

"Well," Natori says somewhat acidly, "I'm glad we can give up on the whole bait discussion at the moment. Can you use it on anything?"

"As far as I know."

"How about my paper dolls? I could send them of in different direction if we needed to. They take much less energy than your arrows so it shouldn't be too much trouble."

That is actually an excellent idea.

"You would still need to perform the steps for the ritual, Seiji points out. I can't help you with it. But if you send them out I might be able to push them in different directions to let you work."

The rest of the night the sit carefully drawing spells on the frail paper and placing bloody thump prints on them. Natori raises his eyebrows slightly when he hears about the blood, because it is certainly not something that is accepted in Shinto practice, but Seiji has always valued use higher than tradition.

 

They leave for the burial site at first light the next morning. They have to. The warding is obviously falling apart and they need to reach the god before it completely breaks. If the god fully awakes the risk is that the power will be too much for them to function in. Even when Seiji placed the ward it was relentless and then the god wasn’t near fully awake. There are carefully drawn signs on their skin. Words of protection. It is not in any way a sufficient protection, but they have use for anything that eases the pressure.

They walk through the woods in silence. As soon as they pass the protection around the house the air feels suffocating. The forest is completely silent and still. There are no animal sounds, no wind and no rustle in the bushes from youkai. It is like the whole area has frozen, like the trees themselves are holding their breaths waiting. It makes the sound they make when they move unnaturally high. Every stick that cracks under their feet is almost like a gun shot. They are both losing their breaths like they are climbing a mountain instead of just walking in an ordinary pace. The marks on their arms are glowing, desperately trying to contain and share power. Seiji is already tired and he is worried. He rarely goes into situations where he think he might lose, and this time he is not even alone. Someone claimed this is supposed to be comforting but Seiji sees no comfort in it. This is a situation where it will be them both by necessity, but he is not in a place where he actually can protect Natori, and if he makes a mistake it will doom them both. Along with his whole house probably. It doesn’t change the fact that it must be done, but he hates it nonetheless. The trek feels like it lasts forever.

The closer they come to the clearing the harder it gets to move. Seiji is getting goose bumps and his teeth almost start to rattle. They have a clearly agreed strategy what to do when they arrive but when they come to the clearing the world suddenly... wobbles. There is no better way to describe it. It is like suddenly standing on a boat in rough weather For a moment Seiji feels like something is actually being pulled out of his chest, he hear a gasp from Natori that tells him that he felt it too. That shouldn't happen. They have put a lot of faith in the fact that any substantial attack without it getting an extra power kick would be contained to the clearing. Seiji doesn't know if it is because it has woken up enough to know what it is doing, but it is reaching deep, perhaps the same thing it did to Natsume not long ago. Fortunately the combination of the bond and the signs on his skin reacts and forces it out, but it still feels like something is missing out of his chest and for a moment he can't get air. He can see the ward he put up slowly disintegrate and then something that looks like black tentacles explodes up through the ground and all Seiji can think is, oh _shit._

Then the world explodes. It is a power that he has never felt before, so all-consuming that it is almost impossible to endure it. It is like a storm raging all round them, howling. It feels like rage. Seiji goes down on one knee momentarily but manages to get up again.

“Damn it,” Natori shouts. “It used us. When we got to close it used us to break the rest of the ward.”

Seiji nods, gasping.

“Can you move?” he asks. “Can you preform the ritual?”

He doesn’t hear what Natori responds, because all that power suddenly come raging straight at him. He manages to dodge but it still sends him flying through the air. Luckily he lands softly but the drain in power is so all consuming right now that he can hardly get to his feet. He expected the god to try to acquire more of his spirit power, not try to kill him. He is trying to get his focus back, but it is hard when the world is howling around him. One of the shadowy tentacles goes for him again. This doesn't feel like self-defense, or a predator playing with its prey or even than anger from a god for being buried for a very long time. It feels like personal rage.

He dodges again stumbling to the side and trying to get his bearings and to figure out exactly were Natori is. Then suddenly a tree is coming flying straight at his face. He jumps, but he is so tired that he doesn’t manages to get far enough. Suddenly he feels someone gripping him and he pushed the rest of the way and he falls forward into the ground. Something flutter past his face and is caught in the howling wind.  _Paper dolls_ he realizes. The tentacles goes for them viciously and suddenly he manages to partly get his breath again. There seems no real sense to what it is doing. It is not only rage in the air, but blind rage, and all of it focused on him. He looks back and Natori is there, pale and gasping.

"Are you ok?" he asks Seiji.

Seiji ignores it completely, because his well-being is hardly high on the agenda right now.

"The ritual," he manages to get out for a second time. "Can you preform it?"

Natori shakes his head.

"He keeps destroying the ground. There is no way anything I draw will stay there. "I can't send out dolls because they get sucked in the middle and I need him away from that."

"I'll get him away." Seiji says. "I seem to be a prime distraction after all."

Natori lets go of another set of dolls and for a moment they say nothing as the dolls get dragged into the maelstrom, then he turns, the raging storm around them is whipping his hair into his eyes.

"Look," he says between clenched teeth, "I get that we are doing the whole sacrifice for the greater good thing, but if you die there is no one to do the binding so that is not actually that great of a plan, you genius. Plus you _can't even stand up_ "

Seiji could point out that neither of them will live much longer in this sort of energy anyway, but he won't. Instead he drags himself to his feet.

"Then I guess you better draw quickly."

What he really is trying to say is _I have faith in you so have faith in me._ For a second their eyes meet then Natori runs towards the tree and Seiji goes the other way to give him room to work.

He has no idea how he is even managing running, he supposes that he has to thank the power of adrenaline because logically his legs shouldn’t even be moving. He gets out of the clearing and into the woods, he needs to get the worst energy away from the center so the ground stops moving. He gets maybe 50 feet away before one of the tentacles sends him flying back towards the clearing. He manages to twist, gets his feet against the stem of a tree and jump on the ground again changing direction but he is losing speed for every step.

And suddenly there are words. They are not spoken or whispered and he can’t even determine if he actually hears them. They are just there, almost as concrete as one of the trees. And they are wrong somehow. They shouldn’t exist but yet they do.

_mAtOba_

So it is personal. Seiji suddenly realizes that one of those relatives of his that wrote so long and eloquent about the hero who buried the god probably tried to interact with it. Power like that is not something anyone in the Matoba clan would ever disregard after all. And now he has inherited the consequences. Again.

The curse of being a Matoba.

He is gasping desperately now, end his legs are numbing. He can’t hear anything but howling and he doesn’t know if it coming from the god or from the inside of his head. He wears left and stumbles forward. He has to keep running.

The thing is Seiji honestly doesn’t think he can. As he is running he honestly think he is going to die, there is no energy left, no deposits of strength to draw from, everything is getting drained out of him faster and faster. But he can’t die, because someone has to do the binding ritual into the magatama while Natori magically holds the gods because Natori won’t both be able to do both at the same time. For the first time in his life Seiji feels entirely and completely helpless. There is no inner conflict right now, he is failing everything he believes in and everything he cherishes at the same time.

A tentacle sends him through the air again and this time he physically actually cannot get up. The world paints dark patterns inside his eyelids and everything has become blurred like it is stuffed with cotton. And the words are there again with so much hate.

A _mAtOba. a mAtOba hAs Come HeRE AgAIn_

The worst thing is that this was all in vain. Seiji have long ago accepted that he might someday die for a purpose. It is even probable. But this has no meaning. This was a failure and somewhere he should have known. He should have seen this coming and made alterations for it but he didn’t. And he has broken a promise even if he never said it out loud.

And then the storm freezes.

For a while he wonders if he actually did die, but then he opens his eyes and looks. There is a dark shape frozen in place in the middle of the clearing. Silver threads is running all around it locking it in place. A shadowy arm seems to be reaching out towards something and Seiji knows it is where Natori is. Everything is completely still.

Seiji is so exhausted that he barely manages to reach for the stone. For a terrible second he think he has managed to drop it as he was tossed through the air, but then he feels the smooth surface. He gets up with energy he shouldn’t even have and staggers closer. Just in range to speak the words. When he gets close enough he can’t stand up anymore but collapses in a very undignified manner on the ground. He doesn’t even recognize his own voice as he recites the correct words using the very last of his energy to make them true.

He doesn’t know what he was expecting. Maybe the figure to start struggling, maybe an explosion, anything to mark the transition from free to sealed. But there is nothing like that. In one moment the god is there with its power flattening the very air, the next it is just not. And the world comes to life again. Seiji can feel the power returning to him like the opening of a floodgate.

The whole situation feels almost anticlimactic. That anything so strong could just disappear so quietly. Anticlimactic or not Seiji has no time to contemplate it, the exhaustion and the shock of the returning power promptly makes him pass out.


	9. Chapter 9

When he wakes again the world is calm. For a moment he thinks something is touching his face.

He looks up and sees Natori sitting on the ground next to him looking like he has been thrown into some trees himself. There is a deep cut on his forehead that is bleeding freely and his glasses has cracked in a couple of places. But other than that and a general look of disarray he looks fine and something very tightly clenched eases in Seiji’s chest.

“Thank you,” he says, though he is not quitter sure why he is saying it.

“Are you alright?” Natori asks carefully.

Seiji notices to his surprise that he actually is. His whole body is sore from the confrontation, but the return of his spiritual power has left him feeling relaxed and energized.

“I feel surprisingly well,” he admits.

“Me too,” Natori says, “It is like I can breathe again.”

They are quiet for a while and then Natori speaks again.

“So someone in your clan sure pissed off that god.”

That makes Seiji laugh softly.

“We have form.”

 

They get up eventually and take the stone to the big oak to reseal it and to fill in all the ancient spells that surrounds the area. The god will sleep again at least during their lifetime.

Then they head back through the forest. The walk back is very different to their journey this morning. It is like there life in the woods again even though it is still mostly quiet. The wind rustles the trees and Seiji can hear what he is pretty sure is a very brave bird. But both of them are still completely quiet.

They don’t have to walk alone for long. A group of people from the Matoba clan and all Natori’s shikis comes out to meet them and the forest is again filled with footsteps and voices

Seiji doesn’t see Natori more in the next few hours. He is taken home, examined, bandaged up and then he sits down with Nanase and his advisors to discuss the god.

“Could we use it somehow?” they asks him. “It is a tremendous amount of power buried there.”

Seiji considers it, but he remember the words in the clearing and the hatred in them and for once the lure of power doesn’t seems like enough.”

“I can’t see how,” he answers. “And I suspect that our clan has already made an attempt that didn’t pan out that well. Better to let him sleep.”

As he stands to leave Nanase stops him.

“Now there is only the matter of the bonding,” she tells him. “We have all preparations ready. We could take all necessary steps to break it tonight.”

They should do it tonight of course. Seiji has been well aware how dangerous this is after all. He has been working for a resolution so he could break this connection and send Natori home again where he belongs. So that Seiji can go back to focusing on what is important. The warmth of Natori’s power is burning in his body. _I don’t want to_ his head tells him.

“Tomorrow,” he tells Nanase. “We will do it tomorrow.”

 

Natori comes into his room later that night, he too has been patched up and washed clean, and somehow acquired a new pair of glasses. He is beautiful as he stands in the doorway. Seiji looks up and for a minute they just watch each other.

“Natori,” he finally says. “You look well.”

They are empty words but he has no idea what else to say. For weeks Natori has been in this house by necessity and now that necessity is gone and he will soon leave. And how much he wishes to deny it Seiji desperately doesn’t want him to.

Natori gives him a half smile.

“Well this is awkward,” he says.

It is awkward, of course. Somehow along the way Seiji got used to this, no matter how much he shouldn’t, and now he can’t quite find any words.

Natori comes into the room and sits down cross legged on a pillow next to him. The energy between them sparks without them touching now and Seiji realizes that it will be gone tomorrow. That hits him harder than he thought it would. The loss not of power but of connection. It is like he has gone over 20 years being clod and then found a fire.

He waves the thought away, it is ridiculous.

“I talked to Nanase,” he says instead. “We should be able to have everything arranged by tomorrow.”

Natori nods, his hair is gleaming in the lamplight.

“Alright.”

He is quiet for a moment, looking sideways a t Seiji and then he says almost casually.

“I… I’m glad that we could do this.”

Seiji carefully looks at his folded hands for a couple of moments. This is not something he should be getting into, but it will mean nothing tomorrow, and for some reason he is just very tired of avoiding it.

“Yes,” he agrees. “Me too.”

Natori’s smile warms up a little, like he was expecting those words to get thrown back into his face.

“I wish…” he trails off and starts again. “When I leave don’t get yourself killed.”

That genuinely surprises Seiji and he looks up.

“You think _I_ am the one who is going to get myself killed?”

That is purely nonsensical.

Natori looks at him grimly.

“I know you think that sounds… Look, I think that god woke up earlier because it recognized you as a Matoba. All because your family went and did god knows what before, which is like history repeating itself. And there is hardly a youkai out there that doesn’t know your name and loath it. You wouldn’t have been able to have gotten half the information you needed alone.”

Seiji snorts and Natori continues with aggravation.

“For someone who are so sure you are doing the most logical thing and everyone else is trying to get themselves killed you are certainly constantly in danger.

“We are exorcists. That’s the nature of our work,” Seiji says gently. “Did you somehow mix me up with Natsume Takashi? Because I don’t need to be rescued.”

Natori shakes his head in frustration. And it feels like his anger is heating up Seiji as well. The air sparks just slightly.

“Well you certainly needed people now. You can say that Natsume is the one that needs rescue, but if he hadn’t gotten that magatama when he did then what would we have done? And how would you have got any information of that ritual we needed when your name sends youkai scattering worse than a buried god?”

“I didn’t need to, I had you for that.”

“Yes,” Natori says, like he won an argument. “Because you needed me.”

“Yes,” Seiji admits. “I needed you.”

He means the say it casually, like it is without importance, but somehow a lot more get caught up with that single phrase and suddenly it conveys something he never meant to share at all. The room goes totally quiet and he can hear Natori suck in a deep breath.

_Damn it._

Clearly Natori shares this sentiment, because Seiji can hear him repeat it under his breath.

“Damn it. Damnitdamnitdamnit.”

And then he turns around, put his hand on Seiji’s shoulder and kisses him.

The world stops. He thought that it was like the world stopped when they were walking through the forest, but he clearly had no idea. He is out of breath. Natori’s lips are warm and soft and his hair is tickling Seiji’s face. It is a very innocent kiss all things considered. Like they are testing their way. But when Natori leans back Seiji knows with a sudden certainty that he never wants to do anything else. He feels something still tickling his face and sees Natori’s eyes freeze on the lower part of his face. Then he starts laughing.

“I didn’t know he would do that.”

Seiji looks up and catches his own reflection in the mirror on the wall. The lizard has moved to his face he realizes. It is climbing up his cheek clearly inspecting this new and exciting environment.

Natori is grinning at him, and for a moment he looks happier and more carefree than he ever did at 15.

“I’m sorry, but I would actually like him back.”

There are a thousand reason why Seiji shouldn’t do this. He probably knows half of them by heart. It is a terrible idea in any conceivable way possible but he can’t quite remember why. He has spent a whole life disregarding things he wanted as unimportant, but right this moment he can’t do that. There is not a single reason he can come up with right now that actually feels convincing. He put his hand on Natori’s face and leans in too.


End file.
